With From God to Goddess, I explained a bit my transition from God to Goddess; point is my path did not end there. Here is how it progressed
I was still thinking in dualistic terms – something that I feel is strongly related to our brains (might as well write something about that sooner or later). It seems inevitable: we are raised in a binary culture, Yin/Yang, masculine/feminine, right/wrong, black/white… When you think about it our society itself seems build on opposites: have/have not, rich/poor… I am not suggesting this is it, that’s how the world goes. For several reasons I believe we have a chance to transcend all of this – but this is a series of blog posts that represents my path, so bear with me.
For a few years, then, I worked with Goddess and feminine energy only. It was enriching. I felt honouring the female side of Divinity was deeply needed. I travelled to sacred places and temples and held ceremonies there, honoring Her. I re-discovered my own womanhood and I understood it in a much broader sense than what is generally understood as. Not passive, not necessarily all pink and frills, nor necessarily warrior like, not only motherly, not only caring, not only seductive, not possessive, not necessarily safe, but also, yes, dangerous.
This held a mirror in front of me, a mirror with a picture of a woman that I sensed free, free from archetypes, free from expectations. I felt renewed, or rather, I felt as if I could finally pierce together all the different aspects of myself, all the angles that seemed so very different and made me so different, into one.
In my understanding, the representation of Goddess is so varied because she is ever-changing; She is Maiden, then Mother, then Crone – then the cycle begins again. She is perpetual and self renovating – as it happens to women in our Moon cycles and we mirror (or rather we Represent) Her by going through childhood, fertility years, then menopause (which actually is a state of renewal). I felt liberated to be simply… me, in all my fullness and messiness. I felt empowered.
After a while, though, I felt something was missing. It seems as if I was working with only one side (and I mean this literally, as in during my sessions I felt I was using my left side way more than my right); and so I introduced the Goddess’ consort. For most of the time I did not use the word God, since I felt it too closely related to what I had just let behind. Instead I used The Green Man or the Horned One.
This was the Goddess “companion”; so now I had a couple in front of me, a couple to represent Creation, a couple to dance the world into being. I felt the Goddess’ consort as a balancing force; I liked the idea of having a balance between male and female; it seemed an apt way to mirror what I thought we should seek in humans relationships and indeed I was probably seeking a way to mirror in the Spiritual Realms what I was trying to achieve on a material level.
Integrating what I perceived as male energies was intense. I feel I can safely compare this with the opening of both Kundalini channels, to borrow a metaphor from another tradition. As a healer, though, during the sessions I was able to access both channels and this made me feel more stable and grounded.
Yet, my journey was not to end there. As my daughter once told me, “The Goddess contains everything, mum. Otherwise how can she give birth to everything?”
And that, you see, was to be my next step.
Original photo by Frank Mckenna on Unsplash.