In my last posts (see Addressing the Spiritual Realms (part 1): from God to Goddess and Addressing the Spiritual Realms (part 2): from Goddess to a Couple), I have explained how I moved from God to Goddess, and then to Goddess and God as a couple, their dance aggregating matter and creating the world into existence.
My perception of the couple, however, was not actually one of balance. Or rather not one of a stable balance.
The Goddess to me is Eternal, forever changing and transforming. She is Maiden-Mother-Crone, embodying the birth-life-death-renewal cycle (1). The God, on the other hand, to me was Her consort, Her partner. For a while, I paired them up at each Sabbat – which I found easy at Beltane (the Goddess and the Green man) or Samhain (when the God is the Horned one), but something that I struggled to do for Imbolc, for example. Don’t get me wrong, I am not asking for info on the subject here; I know there are somewhat codified couples for each Sabbat – but here I am simply retelling my story and, to me, the Goddess and God couple was simply not meant to be in my practice.
Overall, I found it hard to relate to the God and His different facets. In my understanding the consort also changed yearly, since he was chosen by the Goddess. I could not Feel Him in perpetual renewal. Please, once again, don’t get me wrong; there are several paths where this is the case and for several people that works just great, here however I am telling my story and my personal point of view.
It was probably (surely?) my life that was mirrored in how I approached the Spiritual Realms (2). In any case, I have always been a huge fan of follow your guts (or bliss, for what matters). I believe the same for when we explore our Spirituality or Faith: it is hugely important to stick to (and explore further) whatever resonate. This is undoubtedly because I tend to flee from ready made answers, or from people trying to hand over a recipe like “this is how it works, this is what you should believe”. I have always believed in the Spiritual as a dimension of self knowledge and self exploration. Approaching the Spiritual Realms cannot be done following commandments. To me, Spirituality is a process of re-creation, when you understand and create yourself anew, where your sense of identity shatters and then coalescence again – yet in a new form. It is an exploration of yourself as a being of much more than just flesh.
In this, there cannot be maps. There can be signposts along the way, left there by people that travelled more or less in the same area, but you will end up carving your own path – if you take the leap and follow your instinct, that is. This is why I believe in following your own intuition. It is an act of Trust, if you want, to trust the Universe – so, ultimately, yourself – to lead you to a place of more profound understanding. (3)
To go back to my Goddess-God couple: so the concept was not really working for me. I started “forgetting”, leaving the God out. Yet, at the same time, and this is probably kind of crucial, I was also changing how I addressed Goddess. I stopped seeing Her in a somewhat human form. Goddess became “Mother of the World”, when by world I mean the entire Cosmo. The change was massive. I started to perceive no male/female energy, nor opposition, no dualition. I started experiencing unity. I can’t call it neutrality because it is not that, it is the sum of all possibilities, it is the womb of all life, the Everything.
We tend to anthropomorphise; it is a way for us to understand reality because this way we can relate more easily, linking it to our own experience, via our flesh, if you want. And I understand it, I used to do it too. But at that point, something was triggered in me and I stopped: Goddess was a concept far to big to have two arms (or eight for that matter), breasts and legs. She was shapeless and all encompassing. Rather literally, by the way – but to stick to the subject… when Goddess lost her human-like shape, I dropped God. He was no longer needed. Goddess was… (is) everything.
Of course this begs the question: then why do I still use “Goddess”? If there is no shape, I could as easily use God, right? It is a conscious choice. I use Goddess because this re-alight archetypes we have forgotten, because this calls forth a different kind of energy, because it invokes and effectively brings into being a balance that we have lost.
So, there you go. Goddess. This is the energy that I call upon during the sessions. This is the direction I go when I Connect; and when I heal, I let Her through: an unconditional loving presence that holds everything and everyone in Her embrace, a Love so strong, so steadfast, so never-ending that will never judge you, but, simply, hug you. Indeed, the Mother of the World.
(1) We tend to understand the birth-life-death-renewal cycle as a succession of events, and we see them mirrored in the seasons’ and moon’s cycles so it is easier to put these transformation on a time line; these phases/sides/aspects are, however, to me at least, simultaneous.
(2) To me the Spiritual Realms are, ultimately, a reflection of us (this is one of the reason I felt so important to re-member the Goddess and held ceremonies in Her sacred spots) – to the point where we can make this a voluntary effort, as in: create (or re-member) Spiritual Realms that are more in synch with who we are.
(3) What of gurus? you might ask. Or spiritual teachers? They are the signposts. You see, to me, they are fellow travellers that, like you or me, have chosen to explore and carved their own path. Their intention should not be to teach you anything – not in the sense of giving you instructions. They are there to give you an ember. It might be that you by blowing on it alight it anew. Or not. If you don’t, that’s not a failure on your or their part. It is simply a matter of resonance. That note was not meant for your song. So, yes, for me, signposts.